Motivating only the others?

How is it. that we are doing a great job motivating others but are doing so miserably with ourselves?
We are doing amazing giving everybody else striking advice in difficult times of their lives, telling them to pursue their dreams, to reach for their stars, to live up to their true potentials, to take their lives in their own hands, to realize that achieving true happiness is actually only their own responsibility.
But once we turn the focus on ourselves we suddenly forget all our wise words, our empowering, energizing, motivational words. Suddenly we think we shouldn't reach for the stars but rather try to be content with what we already have, that if we live up to our true potential doesn't really matter as long we just live up to others expectations, that our lives are being shaped not by ourselves but rather by those who are with, those who took over responsibility to care for us.
Suddenly we believe that those who agreed to care for us are also responsible for making us happy, for providing us with the live we always dreamed of, for filling our hearts with that unlimited peace we all strive for.
But if we fail to achieve happiness ourselves, how can we think that anyone else could manage to do that?
Suddenly we start to resent those who we thought would make us happy, we feel let down by them for failing to perform as we hoped for.
But isn't that really unfair?
how can we make others responsible for our own happiness?
responsible for somehow, magically providing us with a live we didn't and still do not have the courage to create and shape for ourselves?
We must realize that the only responsibility for our lives, and for how we shape and live it. lays only in our own hands!
It is only our job to reach for the stars, to do not be afraid what others might think or feel about us, to have the courage to go out there and show the world what we got, what we can and what we will do with our lives in this world. Inshallah!

If we fail doing so, what will we become?
We will resent everybody around us for not making us happy, for not proving us with the live we wanted, for not doing this and not doing that...
Because guess whats happened?  We successfully managed to drop all our responsibility and throw it on those around us, somehow hoping that they would be able to take it...
That is called irresponsible and unfair, and that is not something i want to be and not something I want to be hold accountable for.

So? What to do about it?
Take responsibility for your own self, for your own live and happiness,
have the guts to reach for the stars,
listen to the things you are telling others,
do not step back until you have fully taken all your rights,
until you have truly unfolded and lived up to your potential!
Show the world that you are not afraid,
show the world with what Allah has blessed you with,
show the world with which right Allah has empowered you,
show the world how far you can come and how much you can reach due to Allah's mercy!

Be brave,
Be bold,
Be strong,
You can do it, Inshallah!

I"m still here, or here again?

Just an old picture of Mesudy when he was small...

bring back the sweet old memories!

Be happy

it's all good

I'm still here, continuously pushing forward, trying to keep going and life is good.

I realized that as long as I am good, I am happy and nurtured, life is good and I can be happy and nurturing too.

Starting to see...

When I first started learning about economy, back in school, I felt like economy showed me how the world functions.

Now as I am growing older, I feel like I am starting to learn how I function, how my own little world functions.

I am reaching for sources like Dr. shefali to inspire me, to help me see.

Help me see my kids, see who they are themselves, see how I can try to help them become who they are, not who others might want them to be. 

Help me see myself, love myself, be kind and loving to myself.

Shefali says the only one who can love you unconditionally, after your parents when you were small, that's yourself. And since parents always lack to fill up their kids love tank, in the end it's always ourselves that only we can love ourselves unconditionally.

That's a really hard one for me! To accept that I am enough, good enough... Really hard!

Another big thing for me right now is trying to be mindful, checking in on me, every single moment.

Why am I yelling at the kids, because of them or rather because I am upset, stressed or in fear?

I feel like that's my task of were I am at right now!

Learning to see myself!

And I am truly enjoying it and it helps me to see not only myself but also the world around me, my loved ones, my life more clearly...

It's hard enough to grow myself, but it's so so much harder to let them grow!!!!

Mesut started preschool this summer, and it opened a window in my heart that was full of grieve and fear of loss!

In a way my heart wants him to never grow up, to always stay my baby that needs me. 

In several situations before, when he started solids, when I started to wean him... I felt like I would deprive him of love while actually it was me, feeling deprived of him, of him needing me.

I am afraid of not being needed!

It is so hard for me to let go of him, so hard to see him grow!

But I do also see that my fear of not being needed (and therefore loved) by him is holding him back, stopping him from being free, from learning to spread his wings...

At the same time he tought me how he needed me to support him.

Both, when he started school and when he dropped his diapers he didn't need me to push him. Actually as soon as I started to push he would resist!

He needed me to tell him my expectations, that I am always there if he needs my support and that I fully believe in him and in his ability to be successful.

As soon as he knew that, he just went and did it all by himself!

My life isn't that bad actually....

I am so sensitive to outside influences and opinions that what ever mood I am surrounded with, it will pass to me too.

Like if I am surrounded by someone complainy, pessimistic I'll directly feel bad and depressed too.

And I immediately feel that it's my responsibility to change the persons bad mood and to make him/her happy again, which sure I cannot and even if I could wouldn't be my responsibility but rather that particular persons responsibility itself.

While I am aware of this since quite sometime and try to be mindful about such situations I just realized something else influencing me and my perception of my life.

People are acting like they pity me, feel sorry for me for having such a hard live, sorry for me for having to care for my in-laws, sorry for me for having so much to do in my household, sorry for me for having to stay up until 2 am to get the dishes done...

The list is endless...

This feeling of being sorry for me convinced me that really, I am someone to feel sorry for, I am someone living a live others should be sorry for...

While actually, my life isn't that bad!!!!

I have had the pleasure to find, marry and live with the love of my life,

I have two wonderful, healthy, happy babies,

I live with my in-laws who love me to death and don't stop praising me,

I can take my babies to the park and have picnic every single day,

My family is healthy, we have no major financial problems, we don't fight...

Does that sound like a life I should be sad about?

And still people keep pitying me, keep feeling sorry for me...

Why?

Don't make me feel bad, don't make me feel sad just because I might not live a life you think is a satisfying one.

Please just stop making me feel sorry for myself by being sorry for me and my life.

My life isn't that bad, my life is pretty cool!

Life doesn't happen to us, it happens for us!

I am not the victim of my situation.

I choose to be in the situation that I am in.

I can always change the situation that I am in, weather by leaving it or by adjusting it so that I can feel fine with it.

I am not a victim, nor slave nor in need to submit to other than Allah subhanah wa taalah!

I am worthy to adjusting my life according to my needs and my wellbeing

I am worthy to be happy and content

I have my life situation in my own hand and it's my responsibility to adjust it so much so that I can feel good!

It is my responsibility to feel happy!

It is my responsibility to feel happy and loved so that I can GIFT happiness and love to my loved ones!

Parenting - it's not about the child, it's actually all about the parent!

It's about parenting ourselves to become our most complete, pure and true version in order to provide our children with the possibility to grow into their own complete, pure and true selves!!!

When I first started to study economics, I felt like I was getting a glimpse of how the world was functioning, how it all works together.

With parenting I feel similar, it's somehow all about the person, your own person!

How we function, feel, are influenced by and influence others. It's so much more than just how to teach your kid, it's really about understanding life, understanding the human and his relations, interactions, cause and effect...

It's about self care and selflove, self love to be free to be enough to give love to others and teach them to love themselves...

The right for ignorance

My baby is about to get one year old,

The babe that just yesterday fell out of my belly within 15 minutes is about to be one year old!

I haven't even started to think about his cake...

And I decided that as his mommy I have the right of ignorance!

I have the right to ignore that he's about to be one year old, 

I have the right to ignore that my other baby is about to be 4,

I have the right to ignore that my babies will be no babies anymore, eventually,

I have the right to ignore that they grow up,

The right to ignore that they might not want to be held when they hurt themselves or when they want to fall asleep,

I have the right to ignore that tomorrow or after tomorrow they might not need me every 5 seconds.

I have the right of ignorance!

The beauty of the Russian...

There are some women whose beauty is all-present, which makes them identifiable as certain national or at least coming from an certain region...

The "Russian" is one of the most obvious example of this phenomenon, and by "Russian" I mean "Eastern European".

It's a certain something that they carry with them, a certain beauty, a certain look that makes them stand out and scream "hey I am Russian!"

Seeing women like this is a delight for my heart and rather than being jealous, they make me happy!

And even better, they motivate, they inspire me to take care of myself, to don't let myself go and to try to achieve a similar beauty.

So dear Russian, I like to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for providing me with a role model in terms of beauty, for inspiring me to be a prettier me.

Thank you!

It's not about getting older...

Last week was my birthday... My 30th!!!

For me, turning 30 was a big deal, a very big deal!

And it's not about getting older, it's the fact that my childhood, my sweet moments with my daddy, with my Oma, they are getting smaller and smaller, moving farther and farther away from me... 

That's what makes me sad!

I place big importance on the cake, even my kids they don't get birthday gifts, they just get a cake.

But a nice one!

And I realized why it's so important to me to make the cake myself, to spend weeks planning it, days baking and decorating it...

It's like while I am working on my cake I am processing so many feelings, saying goodbye to the past year and welcoming the new.

I am very sentimental about the past... I cannot even watch a video of the babies from last week without crying about the fact that they will not stay small forever, that they are already so big and that my babies are turning into big boys so fast!

My big theme that has been with me since quite some time but is now even more present than ever is self care!

It's my main objective these days, I feel I am an adult now, I am important to be focused on, I am the mother of my kids, I deserve to be happy and they deserve to have a happy mommy.

I want them to remember me as a happy, joyful, understanding mom, not as the stressed, angry, screaming, hitting mom I am being far too often!

It's so hard, it's a journey, but I am ready to travel, ready to grow!

If I don't care for myself, nobody will!

Self care has been on my list quite a long time now, a long long time actually.

And it seems as long as I don't take it seriously enough I will be confronted with situations that help me realize how much I need it again and again... And again.

The thing is that everybody around me is just addressing me with requests or complaints.

And that's not necessarily because they are bad, self centered or anything else considered to be negative.

For some it might be their young age that makes them so needy that they cannot else than request everything and ask for anything, simply because they cannot do it themselves.

For others it might be the comfort of knowing that I will do it, that I will not deny their request.

For some it might be the nature of their character to complain constantly about everything, for others it might be stress that is pressing on their hearts, asking to be released.

I watched a wonderful video of Jada Smith talking about being a mother and wife and how important self care is. How important it is to make ourselves happy because otherwise we will make other people responsible to make us happy, which they will not and cannot do.

It is our job to make ourselves happy and love ourselves so that we can radiate this love and happiness onto our loved ones.

I am about to turn 30 and I feel like that is going to be a big turning point in my life, I am at an adult point in life, I matured into a mother of two...

And I think at this point in life, my main job is to learn to take care of myself and to realize that I am a loved one, deserving love and attention myself.

Give for the sake of giving or for the sake of receiving gratitude

Some days ago a lady, holding a baby rang the door asking for support.

First I gave her money, as she asked for used children clothes I run to collect as many un-needed clothes, trying hard to find winter appropriate clothes. She went on to ask for diapers which I happily gave her, including wet wipes. She asked for food, making me give her some of our cheese...

The more I gave her, the happier I felt.

I felt amazing being able to help her, I wanted to give her more and more, the delight and thankfulness in her eyes made me deeply happy!

The next day I looked out of the window and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Some of the clothes I just had given to the lady were laying now on the park wall in the rain!

My heart was racing with anger, how she could throw the things I had pulled away from me on the street?

Even tough I tried to calm myself by trying to justify her behavior, I still remained angry for a long time.

Probably they weren't the size of her children, maybe she tought someone else in need could find them and use them...

Then later a narration of a very rich man at the times of our prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, came to my mind.

The man was very rich, owning several big ships.

One day they came to him, telling him that all his ships had been destroyed.

The man remained silent for a moment and then said alhamdoulilah and continued his business.

Later they came again to him, saying that it was a mistake, the ships were all fine without any damage.

Again, the man remained silent for a moment, then said alhamdoulilah and continued his business.

So they asked the man about his reaction.

He said: first I listened to my heart if it was moved by the news and I found it unmoved.

So I said alhamdoulilah.

Then again I listened to my heart if it was moved by the news and I found it again unmoved.

So I said alhamdoulilah.

So the question is, did I give what I gave simply to give and gain Allahs pleasure for giving?

Or did I give to see the thankfulness in the ladies eyes?

And was I upset because the fact that she didn't want my clothes meant that she hadn't been thankful to me?

My auntie Hiba in La Rochelle used to say that if you try to satisfy people, you will never be successful because their needs and desires are unlimited. But only if you strive to please and satisfy Allah alone you will be successful and attain happiness and Allahs blessings and reward. Inshallah.

So instead of searching thankfulness and pleasure und the ladies eyes, I should focus on finding and gaining pleasure from Allah alone.

Having mercy...

Since having Sait, I became more merciful, specially with myself.

I allow myself to fail,

Allow myself to take time just to be with the kids without doing any chore.

My surrounding hasn't yet adjusted to my change and still tries to push me back in my old, stressful self  and I am definitely still stressed a big part of the day but there are islands of mercy.

I started to sit with the kids reading books, taking walks while telling mesudy stories, trying to exercise but at the same time making sure I don't push to hard...

Oh Allah, You All Merciful, shower me with Your mercy and let me have mercy with my loved ones and with myself.

And let me not forget that I am a loved one myself!

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

"For parents everywhere,

Whose love is shaping the next generation,

And transforming humanity:

Our future rests on your shoulders."

Ya Allah, let me be the best mother I can be!

The sweetness of the early hours

I came to love the early morning, or shall I better say the late night?

It seems that when all is done (even if it's not finished) and everybody is sleeping (even mesudy!) I silence and calm are just too sweet to sleep. 

So I find myself these days staying up until three in the morning enjoying some me time, often just being ended by mesudy waking up (once again) or at least followed by a very deficient amount of sleep.

But these precious moments alone, filled with rest and peace are just priceless!

Reevaluate your priorities

Today I took the kids to the doctor to check Saits blood as he had gained a lot weight very fast previously. Everything is fine alhamdoulilah but he is missing iron and vitamin b12. Doctor said he is missing it because I am missing it. I said that I was fasting during Ramadan and if that might be the reason and she said I shouldn't have faster as it prevented my body to get enough nutrients to pass on to my baby.

So there are two points that made me thinking:

1. How I decided to fast

2. He is missing it because I am missing it

My reasons to fast were that I thought I needed to fast to please Allah and fulfill my duty towards Him and that I didn't want to have to makeup all the missed days later since I have still a whole month to fast from mesudys birth.

So here is my point, maybe I would have pleased Allah more if I would have made sure that my and my babies body are nurtured? Maybe I was to hard on myself and therefore effected the baby?

Which leads me to my second point, the baby is missing because I am missing!!!

Subhanallah!

That is a whole new level on its own.

If I don't care for myself, I don't care for my kids.

If I don't nurture myself, I cannot nurture my kids.

If I am not happy, how can I give happiness to my loved ones?

I'm rushing to keep the house clean while yelling at the kids.

I skip lunch to get a job done.

I don't rest while the kids sleep, again, to get a job done.

It's time to step back and to reevaluate my priorities!

BECAUSE IF I AM MISSING, THEY ARE MISSING!

Dua

I turn my face towards the One.

Who created the heavens and the earth, as a true believer.

I am not of those who associate partners with Allah.

Verily, my prayer and my devotion,

My living and my death,

Are for Allah, lord of the worlds, He has no partners.

Thus I have been commanded and I am among those who have submitted.

Oh Allah, you are the King,

There is none worthy of worship but You.

You are my lord and I am your slave.

I have wronged my own soul and I confess my sin.

Forgive all of my sins, surely none forgives sins but You.

Guide me to the perfection of my character, for none guides to its perfection but You.

Protect me from the evils of my character, for none may protect me from its evils but You.

I am here at your service.

All goodness is in your hands, and evil is not attributed to you.

I am created by You and I am returning to You.

You are most blessed, most exalted.

I seek your forgiveness and repent to You.

Dua

Oh Allah place light in my heart,

And on my tongue light,

And in my ears light and in my sight light,

And above me light,

And below me light,

And to my right light,

And to my left light,

And before me light,

And behind me light.

Place in my soul light.

Magnify for me light,

And amplify for me light.

Make for me light and make me a light.

Oh Allah grant me light,

And place light in my nerves, 

And in my body light,

And in my blood light,

And in my hair light,

And in my skin light.

Oh Allah make for me a light in my grave,

And a light in my bones.

Increase me in light,

Increase me in light,

Increase me in light.

Grant me light upon light.