Last week was my birthday... My 30th!!!
For me, turning 30 was a big deal, a very big deal!
And it's not about getting older, it's the fact that my childhood, my sweet moments with my daddy, with my Oma, they are getting smaller and smaller, moving farther and farther away from me...
That's what makes me sad!
I place big importance on the cake, even my kids they don't get birthday gifts, they just get a cake.
But a nice one!
And I realized why it's so important to me to make the cake myself, to spend weeks planning it, days baking and decorating it...
It's like while I am working on my cake I am processing so many feelings, saying goodbye to the past year and welcoming the new.
I am very sentimental about the past... I cannot even watch a video of the babies from last week without crying about the fact that they will not stay small forever, that they are already so big and that my babies are turning into big boys so fast!
My big theme that has been with me since quite some time but is now even more present than ever is self care!
It's my main objective these days, I feel I am an adult now, I am important to be focused on, I am the mother of my kids, I deserve to be happy and they deserve to have a happy mommy.
I want them to remember me as a happy, joyful, understanding mom, not as the stressed, angry, screaming, hitting mom I am being far too often!
It's so hard, it's a journey, but I am ready to travel, ready to grow!
