Mesut started preschool this summer, and it opened a window in my heart that was full of grieve and fear of loss!
In a way my heart wants him to never grow up, to always stay my baby that needs me.
In several situations before, when he started solids, when I started to wean him... I felt like I would deprive him of love while actually it was me, feeling deprived of him, of him needing me.
I am afraid of not being needed!
It is so hard for me to let go of him, so hard to see him grow!
But I do also see that my fear of not being needed (and therefore loved) by him is holding him back, stopping him from being free, from learning to spread his wings...
At the same time he tought me how he needed me to support him.
Both, when he started school and when he dropped his diapers he didn't need me to push him. Actually as soon as I started to push he would resist!
He needed me to tell him my expectations, that I am always there if he needs my support and that I fully believe in him and in his ability to be successful.
As soon as he knew that, he just went and did it all by himself!
