A Single Man by Tom Ford

While I was back home during my vacations I went to the movies with my favorite cousine. I didn't really care about which movie we were going to see so she chose "a single man" from Tom Ford.

And I have to say it was one of the best movies I have seen in a long long time!!!
The story is about a gay may (colin firth) who looses his partner in a car accident and he cannot get over it. He decides to kill himself but somehow can't di it and in the end he dies on a heart attack.
So the story might not be the most exciting thing about the movie but it's just like the movie was a piece of life..
It's very quiet and very arty, using amazing pictures and fashion!
I loved every second, every scene, every picture and specially every outfit!

amazing movie!!!

happy family

just in case you were wondering were love takes places..
i'm right there!!!

home sweet home

Im back home, just for a few days but still more than enough to make me happy!

chosing the right partner - part 2

last time we talked about the balance between the two partners concerning religiosity, social background, education and financial situation. and we said that a balance in those points will be very beneficial for the couple and their married life and that extrem differences in those points can cause big problems.

today we will start with talking about the age-difference of the two partners.
we here very often about big age-differences between partners. what says islam to this?
the scholars say that age-differences between couples, in whatever constellation, are completely okay as long as they respond to two requirements

1. if the lady is older, she should never see herself as superior or more experienced because of the fact that she is older.
2. if the man is younger, he should not feel subjugated or think that he is allowed to neglect his responsibilities over his wife because he is younger than her.

Although it should not be the age but the maturity of the partners that should be determining, many scholars as well as psychologists have agreed on a perfect age difference between 3 and 8 years, simply because every difference bigger than that means that the partners are one whole generation or more apart.
Nowadays we see many young girls wanting to get married to men that are much older than themselves. Why is that?
reasons might be that they feel that the men in their own age are not mature and not able to take responsibility and to care for a family. They might feel that an older man could offer her more space in his life, value her more and protect her better than a young men who hasn't really "arrived" in his life yet.
This phenomenon should make our young men think about their attitude, maturity and ability to take responsibility.

Although the age-difference between mohammad, peace be upon him and khadija was 15 years, we should keep in mind that this was a special relation between two very special persons. and mohammad, peace be upon him can not be compared to the 25year old boys we see nowadays!

Abu bakr, omar and uthman asked to marry our prophets daugther fatima but mohammad, peace be upon him, rejected them all because they were to old! in the end fatima married ali who was only 5 years older than her.


Last time we said that finding a religious partner should be our priority.
But i want to emphasis that religiosity has nothing to do with being extreme since islam does not like anything that is extrem!
just because a woman is wearing hijab or because a brother wears a long beart and we see them all the time in the mosque, that doesn't mean that they are really religious or that they have understood the meaning of being religious in its right sens.
being religious is reflected in the good character traits a person posesses, because when being religious why want to please and praise Allah and one form of praising Allah is to have good and beautyful character traits!
One day a man came to omar, saying about another man that he was very good and religious.
omar said:
- how do you know that, did you make business with him?
- no
- have you traveled with him?
- no
- ahhh, so you just saw him in the mosque reading quran?
- yes

that is not enough to know if a person is a good or religious person. only by seeing a persons character you will find out if he is really religious and if he has understood the meaning of being religious.
Maybe there will be a lady saying that she married a very religious man who always prayed in the mosque etc. but he treated her very badly and she suffered a lot in the marriage with him.
so, can we say that the prophets, peace be upon him advice to marry the religious was wrong in that case? could our prophet, peace be upon him ever advice something that is not good for us?
or wasn't it the lady who missunderstood the man she chose, who thought he was religious when in reality he didn't understand his religion and responsibility?
maybe we see a lady in hijab and immediately we are convinced that she is very religious. but how can we really know that until we have seen her behaviour?

inorder to go the right we we should always keep our goal in mind.
our goal is to enter paradise and we are searching for a partner with whom we can inhabit the earth according to Allahs commandments so that we will enter paradise together. we are looking for a partner that will help and support us to go the right way together.
we must make the religiosity to or priority but we must also like and be attracted to eachother and there should be a balance between religiosity, social background, education and financial situation. And we should be pleased with the partners character traits since they reflect his religiosity.

Even if we know exactly what we are looking for, it can be very very difficult to find a partner!
Especially women find themselves in a situation that they are very good educated, finished their studies and are ready to get married but cannot find a suitable partner. maybe because there is simply no man near or all the men who come to ask for her hand are not what she is looking for. there are three major barriers
- the parents have to high expectations, be it financially or something else
- men are not willing/able to take responsibility for a family
- the number of potential partners is extremely limited (specially europe/non-muslim countries)

these unmarried women are under an enourmous pressure from all sides and sometimes the pressure is so big that they just want to get married to anybody so that people will stop talking badly about them etc.
this is a very dangerous problem and we should wonder why our parents and grandparents and the people of the time of our prophet, peace be upon him didn't have those problems.
those people had a family, a family in its real islamical sense and function. a family that was a network of all the family members and their neighbors and neighbor families and so on. a network were a boy and a girls could know eachother in a healthy, halal environment, where they knew eachother since childhood and were the families were very close to eachother.
the prophet, peace be upon him used to gather families in his house to make dua for them and ask Allah to strengthen their relationship.
but what has happened to our families today? if i asked you what your cousin likes, how she/he is feeling etc, will you know the answer? are your parents your bestfriends like it is supposed to be in islam? will the members of your family understand eachother and their needs without even telling their problem?
So even if the best way to find a partner would be through the network of your family, many of yús cannot apply it today. may it be because their family are non.muslims or simply because their family has lost their solidarity.

After musa had escaped egypt he arrived at an oasis were he saw men giving water to their camels. a little bit secluded he saw two girls standing, apparently waiting for something.
he went their and asked about why they were there.
the girls said that they needed to get water but that they couldn't do that aslong as the men where there and that their father was an old man.
musa went to bring the water for them and than he left.
one of the girls liked musa and so she asked the father if he could not ask him to work for them since he seemed strong and useful.
the father told her to bring musa to him.
when she arrived musa she said that her father was inviting to thank him for helping the girls.
when musa came to the house the father asked him if he wanted to marry one of his daughters.

from this little story we can learn so many things.
first musa saw that the girls were in need so it was just natural for him to go and helped him.
when he talked to the girls he was very respectful and didn't talk more than it was needed, neighter musa nor the girls tried to be charming or anything like that.
the daughter didn't have to say that she liked musa, her father understood like this because he knew her so well. how many amongst us think that their father knows everything about us and will understand us even without saying anything explicitely?
when musa came to the house the father didn't embarrased his daughter by telling musa that she liked him. he was very discrete to remain his daughters value and to don't embarras her.

Islam doesn't forbid us to like somebody or to fall in love, in the end how can we control our hearts?! it is just that when you are in love you should not let your feelings leed you to things that are forbidden.

In islam the lady has a very high value and we should try our best to remain her value as high as possible and not to embarras her.

one day nafisa came to her friend khadija who was sitting somewere.
- what happened to you khadija?
- i see mohammad and i see so many things in him that i don't see in other men
nufaisa got what she was trying to say and said:
- what do you think about marying him?
- how should that work?
- i will take care of it.
nufaisa went to mohammad, peace be upon him and said:
- ya mohammad, don't you want to get married?
- i don't have the means to get married!
- what would you say if you wouldn't need anything to marry a very good woman?
- who would that be?
- khadija bint-u khuwaylid
- would she agree to marry me?
- I will go and ask her!

You see, khadija didn't have to actually say that she was interested in him to make her friend understand her and nufaisa kept her value very high by making it seem like it was mohammad, peace be upon him who asked to get married to khadija and not the other was around!
that is the beauty of good character traits and so many good examples from which we can learn!

throwing things away

everybody has probably something that gives him the feeling of freedom..
for my mother it is the moment when she is driving a car, and specially when she starts her journey at night and drives into the morning. thats what makes her feel free..

for me, the taste of freedom is to throw things away!!!
not every thing but as much as i can!

a very good example of this passion of mine was the time my family and i moved out of the last apartment we lived in all together.
we all packed our things into boxes.. and in the end my brother had about 20 boxes, my mother about 30 and I had only three!
I had only three boxes not because I didnt own anything but because i through all the other things away! I had a couch, a table, a closet and carpets and except for one carpet I gave everything away. i didnt gave it away because i didnt liked it anymore, but i did it because i knew i wouldnt be in a situation were i could use those things, i didnt want to keep them either and i simply love to throw or give things away.
My mom loves to teese me with the fact that when i was a little girl and one of my friends had birthday, i chose one of my own things to give it to her. she says i gave things i didn't liked anymore but i try to believe that she is lying ehheeheeee

it makes me feel free, makes me feel like what ever happen to me i will be able to go away anytime. sometimes if i go through my clothes (which is basicly the only thing i have apart from some items that mean very much to me) and i see that they are too much i get nervous, i imagine what a big problem i will have moving out with all this stuff.

my family, and specially the ladies of my family have the tendency to get hysterical from time to time.. this mostly happens in stress situations.. one of those stress situations for me is definitively seeing all the things i own!
at my brothers appartment i have a little space where i keep all my things and to me it seems like a huge space even if its just my clothes and shoes..

so, whenever i get into one of these stress situations i start throwing my things away and doing so makes me unbelievable happy and relieved, i feel free like a bird heheheeee

sometimes when i am shopping i feel sad and loose the will to buy something because i imagine how i will have to transport this particular item all over the world with me and i feel heavy and somehow caged.

i like to think about this character of mine as something good, i don't know what others think about it though..
i love to buy and wear things but i just dont like to own them..
i once heared about a celebrity who always traveles without luggage because everything he needs he will buy it at the place he is going to..
that is basically my dream scenario :)
of course not for everything, there are still things i would never want to give away, specially pictures and shoes heheheeee

and just to don't scare you too much:
i never throw things away that don't belong to me..

and there we go with even more wedding...

well.. when thinking about the fragrance how could i forget about the matching makeup?
hehehee.. i probably seem like a crazy love addict, seeing the world thrugh huge pink glasses with lots of pink sugar all over hehehe
but I fell very very happy that way and actually hope i will remain forever in this state of pink love crazieness..

well.. here it comes.. perfect bridal makeup matching the perfect bridal fragrance and of course, how could i forget, matching the perfect bride.. me ;)

lalalaaaaaalalalaaaaalalalalaaaaaaa